There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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