my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
