And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
