The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize