Can i not drive my cunt home
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
