Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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