from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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