and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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