I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You ate ashes out of my bong
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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