I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
