He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
