Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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