remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
