you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
