Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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