Midget sex pt 2 tonight
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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