hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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