eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
