see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you made out with another girl for some wings
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
