I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize