Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
