dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and she was petting her beer can
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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