I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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