Already got asked if we're dating
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
