D3 body, D1 cock
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
