I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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