My first STD was from a foam party
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
