Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
