and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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