i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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