Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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