I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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