i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
