he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Enjoy the penises
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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