There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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