dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
