I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
