My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
