ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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