life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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