That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
