So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
