I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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