Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
