foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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