Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
