I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
