The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
