$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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