So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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