That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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