Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
