Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
