I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
