Three words: puerto rican gang bang
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
