4 words: hood of his car
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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