I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
