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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was

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• (562): View more from California

  Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  1. Thanks. 2. No.

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• (650): View more from California

  i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.

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• (585): View more from New York

  For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.

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