Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
