u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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