Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
