Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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