Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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