So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize