happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
