I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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