My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
