I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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