Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
