How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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