I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
