he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
