Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I believe in your delicious
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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