The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
