I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
