i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
