dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
