we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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