Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
