If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
