did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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