do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
