my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I understand Curling. That high.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize