She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
