I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The uberlube is also flammable
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
