so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
