how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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