Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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