Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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