People in love make me want to vomit
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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